Babies don't come with a manual!
12 years have passed since I gave birth to my firstborn, Oliver.
It is a time of my life that I can recall clearly, yet so much is a blur! I was tired, exhausted, out of my depth and to be honest, clueless about how to look after a newborn baby. I had no idea that you should never fall asleep on the sofa with your baby; I thought that sharing a bed with a newborn was a criminal offence; and controlled crying was the only way to teach a sleepless, boob monster to self soothe! We were in survival mode and doing the best that we knew how.
Our journey started badly, I had a 55 hour labour. I was trying to recover both physically and emotionally and being faced with looking after a baby who was born “angry” (as so many people never failed to observe), was frankly overwhelming. My birth story was, in hind sight, positive due to HypnoBirthing but I will not sugar coat it, it was difficult and most certainly not what I had imagined.
Both my husband and I were the first of our friendship group to have a baby and being only children, we didn’t know what to expect and felt pretty alone, we were barely keeping our heads above the water!! The sleep deprivation we experienced was insane. I came across an old note pad documenting my bubba’s sleep over a 24 hour period - 1 hour 30 minutes was the most he slept for at any one time!!! Seriously, on the sleep front it was pretty bad!! And this has most certainly had lasting effects. I suffered from postnatal depression and my husband too (yes, it can affect men as well!). All the while attempting to put a brave face on the situation to outsiders and crumbling behind closed doors.
So, why am I telling you about this? Because it didn’t have to be this way. We prepared for the birth with HypnoBirthing which I am eternally grateful for, as it helped us to bond as a couple and strengthened our relationship. Also, although my first birth was challenging, it most certainly would have been a whole lot worse without HypnoBirthing. I cannot imagine coping with a difficult baby, had we not prepared for the birth with HypnoBirthing. But we were completely clueless about what life with a baby would be like and had no idea what to do with a newborn!!
The hospital just let us go home…where was the manual?! How do you even change a nappy properly? Why do you need to wind a baby?? How do you even do that? Why do they cry???? There must be something seriously wrong if they are crying all the time, right? How do I soothe a baby if they are crying? Sleeping??? Bathing??? Aaaargh!!! We were learning on the job, tired, exhausted and traumatised…This was not the best start to parenthood and rubbish for our relationship too!!
We had no idea about where to access support, information and we felt like we were the only ones stumbling around in the dark.
My top tips:
Find out what support is available in your local area - feeding support, online baby groups etc. NCT have an excellent free feeding line open daily between 8am and midnight (link at the bottom)
Who will be your village? Who will be the people who can help you and how? Family, friends, NCT group?
Get prepared - plan for your life with a baby, before your baby arrives - I offer a postnatal planning service and practical baby care classes too.
Be kind on yourselves - having a baby is a life changing! It will take time and a whole lot of readjustment before you find your ‘new normal’
My experiences have given me a passion in my work as an NCT Antenatal Teacher and as a HypnoBirthing Practitioner to help prepare parents for life after birth!! My courses are designed to smooth the learning curve, teach you the practical skills and help you to start thinking about coping strategies, to enjoy your transition to parenthood…
“Happy, confident parents = happy, contented babies (well most of the time).”
Check out my 3 HOUR BEYOND THE BUMP practical baby care session. This Practical Baby Care session will teach you about bathing, sleeping, nappy changing and loads more. I also have a wonderful Postnatal Planning workshop and Breastfeeding Essentials class to get you ready to meet your baby. Be fully prepared to care for your little one with confidence, smiles and a whole lot of love!!
Book your place on one of my courses and get on your way to positive birthing and confident parenting!!
Check out my website for a full list of my upcoming courses or let’s get social and like my Facebook and Instagram pages (links below) for lots of posts and info.
I can’t wait to support you on your journey,
Yvette x
